


Strong Drinks Lead to Wistful Thoughts

by caridia



Series: dysfunctional family funtimes [11]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 08:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4173663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caridia/pseuds/caridia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haise and Hide had many habits in their friendship. Some of them were practically inside jokes by now, and some of them were subconscious and built on their deep trust. Their customary drinks after a long, tiring day of polishing Haise's works were a habit neither ever spoke of, but both were very much aware of. </p><p>Or: Two friends sit and think of what could have been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strong Drinks Lead to Wistful Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This bugged me at 2am and demanded to be written.

Haise and Hide had many habits in their friendship. Some of them were practically inside jokes by now, and some of them were subconscious and built on their deep trust. Their customary drinks after a long, tiring day of polishing Haise's works were a habit neither ever spoke of, but both were very much aware of.

After a long day of editing and rewriting, stressful calls to the publisher and far too many cups of Hide's barely-acceptable coffee, both would gladly drop what they were doing when the final edit of the day was done. Hide would prepare whatever blend he was into at the moment, and Haise would sit and watch as his friend mixed their drinks. Just doing this, the watching and preparing, was almost as alleviating as drinking the colourful alcohol. Afterwards, when the drinks were done, they would sit in silence, or talk over everything and nothing in particular. Sometimes Haise wondered if that wasn’t how Hide had gotten to know so much about him. Maybe it was just the power of observance.

It was already late when they finished for the day, and Haise was grateful that they had already planned this to be a night when he would stay over at Hide's. Hide had mentioned how they would most certainly only be done today after the final train had left, and well, they had work to do tomorrow. Staying over at Hide's was a much better solution, and Akira had fully supported it.

(If both of them had overstated the importance of the editing they did today when suggesting the idea to Akira, no one would ever know the truth. It was hard to drink a little to relax, with Arima's awful beer and tendencies to come home in the middle of the night, covered in blood.)

The first drink went down in mostly silence. Some quiet compliments, followed by appreciative humming, were all they needed to say. As the vividly coloured drinks were finished, they talked more. The alcohol had its own magic, loosening tongues and the tension in their backs.

“Maybe, in some other universe, things could’ve been different.” The idea had popped up without warning, and he hadn't intended to say it out loud. The way the words seemed to hang in the air made his stomach sink, a bitter taste in his mouth ruining his drink. He didn't want to sound bitter, or sad. He didn't sound as if he was ungrateful. He didn't want to sound as if he had regrets. Hide would, after all, know exactly what kind of regrets he was implying. He always did.

Haise glanced at his best friend. Hide ignored the glance, his gaze firmly locked on the swirling colours in his glass. He seemed to be thinking, and the silence stretched into endless moments of quiet.

“I know,” Hide said finally.

Haise felt good when Hide finally replied. There was no judgement, no uncomfortable glances. His regrets were accepted, but not commented upon. He decided to continue his line of thought.

“Like, a universe where I wasn't constantly dealing with a famous stalker," he scrunched his face into scowl and Hide laughed quietly. "Or Arima is not a fucked up mixture of my father and brother. Or had 4 children before 23,” Haise continued with a smile. Not that he could picture such a universe, because he couldn't even begin to picture a life without this. It ought to make him sad, that his pathetic excuse of a so-called love life was something he couldn't picture being without. It did, in a way, but he also had long since given up on anything different.

“Maybe a world where all your stories are true?” Hide added, still smiling as he began playing with the idea himself.

“Please, don’t even joke about it. I don’t want to live in the same world as gourmet cannibals,” Haise groaned. That he could picture, though. He took another sip from his drink, trying to remove the thought from his mind. For some reason, he could very easily imagine gourmet cannibals walking amongst people.

Hide laughed, a nice sound Haise could listen to all night. “I can see it, though. A world where all your stories are true. You write too vividly. The idea of monsters in the shape of men and men in the shape of monsters seem all too real when I read your stories.” He sounded a bit sad, but Haise had no idea why. He didn’t ask, didn’t dare to. So he let it be.

A comfortable silence broke out, and they sat there with their thoughts of other worlds with monsters and terrors.

When Hide finally said something, Haise had long since lost the original thought that had started this non-conversation.

“What if there was a world where we had know each other all our lives?” Hide sounded so quiet and distant. Haise turned to look at the man next to him, and he found Hide staring into something he couldn’t see again.

“What do you mean?”

“Where we maybe met as children, became friends and…” Still looking into a universe Haise could not see, Hide trailed off and let the sentence hang in the air. And maybe something else. Haise tore his gaze away from his friend, and tried to suppress the continuation his mind supplied unhelpfully.

“That sounds nice.” And it did, when he thought about it more thoroughly. They could’ve met as kids, complemented each other in the way only the other could. Gone to elementary, middle school, high school together. Continued into university, and-- “That sounds nice,” he repeated again. It really did.

The night faded into comfortable chatter and general proximity they both enjoyed. Neither minded it, and the idea should've been left there; a forgotten topic between two drunk friends a night like any other.

* * *

 

Sasaki Haise did not forget this idea, though. He placed the idea in a box in the depths of his mind, locked it tightly, saving it for the days when he would inevitably need it. Saving it for the nights when his thoughts would be spinning in his head, and doubt clouded his sight. He wasn't sure why he saved it, why this particular idea appealed to him to such a degree, but it did.

* * *

 

Months after this particular night, he opened the box again. Uninvited thoughts had been plaguing him all night, and it was worth a try. As the box was opened, and the idea was played around with. he realized why it had been locked away to be forgotten until he needed it again. The idea was a weapon, he figured. A weapon that could, if he played with it too much and let it mull in his head, destroy all he had worked so hard for.

The idea was a hint of a different him, a him with a life that was everything he was not, yet at times wished he could've had. A normal life, with all that it contained. Childhood friends and school being only a part of it, sweet love and understanding between lovers being another. A far off dream, yet the reality for so many in the world.

Not that he minded his life, the efforts of his parents and his beloved children. He had friends he cared about. University had been fine, and he had a splendid career. Haise was happy.

It was just that sometimes, when everything cracked in the corners, he wanted to think of a different life. So he would take out the idea from his tightly secure box, and play with it. Just play with it, and nothing more. Indulging in it was out of the question.

A normal life was since long, long ago, out of the question. And even if it hadn't, Sasaki Haise had the sinking feeling that he could never keep a truly normal life very normal for long.

**Author's Note:**

> What-ifs are terrible things, but they keep coming back. Sometimes as support, but more often than not they are poison in our veins.


End file.
